I am at a point in the process of my departing where I am coming to lasts.....
will this be my last?......women's being circle, Earthwalk service, sacred sound circle, last time seeing Joe Reilly play, last time seeing a Matrix play, last time typing with Chris, or taking Richard to a movie........
Some lasts are much further off than others, but some have already passed. Was that the last time that I will see so-and-so? Or will this next time be it? There are some people I can easily go months without seeing. I am leaving in less than 3 months
There are some lasts that feel much harder than others. Leaving the people that I love is higher on the list. Living near Zug island and the world's largest trash incinerator, a little further down on the list. I am happy about some of my lasts, school will be out for me in 2 weeks. I love the kids, but I am tired and am ready for a break, but I will miss seeing their faces weekly and receiving their smiles and hugs in the neighborhood stores, restaurants and parks.
One thing that is happening with me is that I am being intentional about making these lasts happen. Clearing space in my calendar. Making time for people and making it important to spend more time with people. And creating opportunities for those who I haven't seen in awhile, but are important to me.
Other people are either making an effort to spend more time, or are already pulling away because it is hard for them that I am leaving. Some think I am already gone. I imagine I have done this, depending on the circumstances. One time I got really close to a friend because she was moving to Portland years ago. I am grateful for that time that we had together.
There are also some firsts....it is the first time that I am the one leaving. Living in a place like Detroit, many people leave. I have been left over and over. But on the other hand, it is a place of deep roots for many also, it is less transient than many other places in the country. Tulum is a place that is highly transient, some people only live there half of the year or visit and leave...not as many roots, not very deep.
My roots have been here in the city for my whole life. I have big, deep roots. I go places and know people. Know people that know my story, my history, my past, who I am. But as any species won't be able to proliferate and grow and expand without spreading its seeds, maybe it is time for the seeds to travel and root in new places. It is after all, all connected. My roots will remain here, and I will grow new roots.
One person (sort of) knows me in Tulum. I get to be with people in a new way, without the deep roots. I wonder how it will be different without the connection of place and identity and history I have here, Many people would think of this as an opportunity for reinvention of self, but I already live from an authentic place, I am who I am, and I live it, I am always changing, transforming and reinventing my self.
And lasts are always happening if we just Pay Attention. Everything in the big picture is a last because no two moments are ever the same, nothing is ever repeated, and firsts and onlys are also always happening, and it will always be so.
