My last entry.....

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too.”

― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

....interesting to notice I haven't laid word to page here since October of 2013.  It is not clear why...I have thought about writing, but it just hasn't been the right timing...or...too vulnerable or intimate to share details when they so deeply involve another... or ...I got too lost in the relationship...or...I was too busy living life...or...?

So I am making this my last entry on this blog of "20 years later".  I am closing this chapter in my life....an ending so that I can begin a new book.  And yet just one of many in a series, never really ending, just continuing....

So, my big experiment is coming to an end, at least in the sense of the relationship aspect of the experiment.  I realized that many dreams came true during this time, moving toward possibility of partnership was just one of them.  I had always wanted to... live in another culture different than my own to learn about myself and the world a little more, to live somewhere where I could really improve my Spanish, to live near the beach, to try living in a small town (without a car!), to live closer to nature, to have space to relax and enjoy life...

...and so there were some new unexpected things that I found as well that have changed my life...I have met many beautiful new people from around the world, whether we just knew each other for a moment, or have a strong connection that will continue, I found systemic family constellation work--an incredible healing tool, janzu--a water therapy/dance/healing modality that I learned to give and healed greatly receiving, and a new way of living--some aspects that I can embrace, some that make me appreciate my own way of being and my own culture, and many new insight into who I am/how I am in the world.  

...and so again, comes the leaving...leaving great people that are doing beautiful work here, leaving the water--the sea and its shores, the cenotes, the lagoon and mangroves--all magical places, leaving a beautiful yoga studio in town,  leaving behind good italian pizza and gelatto!, and mostly importantly leaving behind the dream I had with the man I had hoped could be my partner, and his sons and his familiy... and it is painful...and I am doing the work to heal this and I am so grateful to be doing it in as loving a way as I am able to...

But so maybe a new dream can come true. That of maintaining my connection to all that I have in Michigan, the beautiful people that have a big space in my heart, the communities that are transforming the world, the beautiful forests and lakes, .... and still have time here....in the winters, which are a hard time for me... I have thrived here with the sun and have always wanted to be away from Michigan winters...(although I love some aspects of winter, just not for so long).  I have people here...some of which will still be here, some that may be gone.  I know how to live here, it won't be a new process all over again...

The insights will continue to expand once I am back in my own culture and space, with space to look back and see from a different angle.  I have cleared a space of holding onto something for 22 years, breaking illusions, opening up for something new. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am open and trusting to receiving what the universe has planned for me.  I am trying to maintain this space.  And although there are many  unknowns for me in coming back, I know that I am coming back to open loving arms of my family and friends and that I will still have my family here in Tulum...

“There is a kind of magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed.” 

― Kate Douglas Wiggin, New Chronicles of Rebecca