Letting Go....

 

“Grief does not change you,.... It reveals you.”   --John Green

Today astrologically was a day for a peace portal activation. "On August 25th, a very important portal will open that will bring a strong infusion of Light into the conflicted situation on the surface of this planet."   I missed the time for the global meditation, but still feel connected in my own way.  

 
I feel like I passed through a portal of sorts of my own today.  I had been sort of crabby for days and wanting to find outside sources to blame...(yes, I was stuck in the triangle for those of you who have had the teachings).  The past two days, i have passed through a couple of big gateways...something that you do when you take on healing work.  Tonight I let myself feel some of the depth and profundidad of my grief in leaving my "life" behind.  I let myself grieve fully...for all those that i love.  The way of life that I know and is comfortable.  My culture and the privileges that come with that.  The (sort of mostly) ease of communication in my own language. My communities.  Changing Woman....and it is painful.

Many have said to me, "You aren't losing anything, just gaining something new." and, yes, I get that, But I am losing the day to day...it is a lot to let go of.  I have built a beautiful life for myself and can see that more in my leaving than I did when I was in the middle of it.  Part of the beauty in my leaving was that it allowed me to see this and it created even stronger connections which I am grateful for.

Last year I did some work called the Dream Quest.  Part of this was a Vision Quest...3 days off on your own fasting in nature.  The first seven years are learning about what happened in that process....what were the teachings I received?  Something that began as part of this process before I even did the 3 days was a sort of deconstructing of my identity.....who am I? if I am not a .....yoga teacher, artist, art teacher...etc.  I feel that I am continuing that process...who am I? if I am not...a Detroiter living in the United States, speaking my own language, eating my own foods...etc.  A death needs to occur in a sense for this new life to begin.  I get this incredible opportunity to see myself...my essential self....with new eyes.  And now with the reflections that come in relationships...in my new day to day.  And I am so grateful to have found a man who can hold the space for me to do some of this work....gracias, Giovanni.




 



“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form."
        -Rumi